My life is complicated. That's clear to see. But it is so messed up when I cry over two different guys during the run of 6 songs on a cd. The first thing I cried about was a song that made me think about my latest heartbreak. He didn't like me and I honestly was a little obsessed with him. I now know what my thing was. He helped me feel better after a breakup with my ex. So I clung to the one that I thought understood me. It wasn't meant to be. I understand that fact now.
The other song made me think of my ex. It was this line.
"We were picture perfect. Flawless on the surface. We were walking on a straight line. We were automatic. You seemed so fanatic. I was confident and wide eyed. Tough times watched us come undone."
This was what killed me. It was something that I needed to hear but I didn't need to either.
I bet you all are wondering why I am telling you all this. I am finding clarity. I realize something tonight. I am not over my ex and I had no business trying to force myself into a new relationship when everything still reminds me of him.
I know that I broke up with him and therefore I have no right to cry and mope around about it but honestly it has been extremely hard on me to overcome this heartbreak. I still love him and I think honestly that there will always be a part of me that will always love him. First love. First proposal. First real breakup. First heartbreak. It is tough on anyone and anyone would remember him. Life would not be the same without knowing him and honestly I wouldn't want to change all the things that we did. I wouldn't take back our time spent together for anything in the world.
What I hope that you come away from this entry is that everyone has that first heartache. Everyone remembers the one that was the first love. It's alright to admit that you still have a place in your heart for him. That doesn't mean that you're gonna run back to him begging for him to take you back. I know I'm kind of babbling but what I'm trying to convey here is that I know it is hard. But the good thing is that you are not as alone as you might feel.
To those out there who are suffering their first heartbreaks: trust me. It will get better. There is someone out there for you. But God only gives them to you when it is the right time. And sometimes you have to go through a little heartbreak to appreciate the things that you have in life.
I know that is probably not what you wanted to hear right now but it is what you need to hear.
Just remember. I am not alone. Repeat after me. I AM NOT ALONE. Doesn't that make you feel better? Okay. So I am not an award winning psychologist but I am a woman who has loved and lost.
Everything happens for a reason. And God never gives you more than you can handle. Thank you for always coming back to my site. Stay awesome and remember to expect the unexpected. I'm gonna try to be back more frequently from now on. Deal? Shake my imaginary hand if you agree. Lol jk
Life is sometimes difficult and downright sucks. But it doesn't have to suck. Your life can be beautiful. But sometimes you can't see the big picture until you take a step back from all the heartache and tears for a minute.
See I told you that my life was complicated. I have to come to this site myself to get some perspective. Keep coming back. It's not always heartbreak. Sometimes it's dreams or reality vs. fantasy. Love y'all!
Expect the Unexpected!