Hey; it's me again! Sorry for the week of silence. It's just been a busy time in my life. From birthday parties to a movie night with a friend; it's been nonstop excitement. Okay so maybe that's a bit of a boldface lie. I did go to a birthday party for my nephew and I did have a movie night with my best friend. It's just that I felt so out of place at the birthday party and the movie was a scary movie and we watched it, talked, them I went home.
I don't know why but I feel out of place at any family function I go to. I feel so out of sync with my family. It's as if I don't even belong there. We have completely different views on the world and of ways to spend our time. Something occurred to me today.
Maybe it isn't them. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe I have been staying off to myself so long because I feel that no one could ever accept me for me. But today I am quiting that. I'm done separating myself from my loved ones because I feel inadequate.
I am a part of my family. I'm done letting my own feelings of inadequacy get in my way of finding happiness.
This begins with a change in me. A few changes actually.
It's time to clean up my act:
I have to clean my room. And quit letting the stuff rule my life. I refuse to become a hoarder.
I have to be a better friend, daughter, and family member:
*Spend more time with friends, my parents, and be more outgoing when it comes to family functions I attend.
I have to get back to the me that makes me happy:
Quit letting everyone else decide what is best for me.
Put my foot down when I don't agree with something.
Start drawing again.
Start reading again.
Have fun organizing things.
Okay so you get the point. I have to change the way that I have been acting in order to find the happiness in life that I have been craving for so long.
This was my unexpected realization of the day. I hope you found it interesting and possibly inspiring as I found it.
This is D. telling you to always
Expect the Unexpected
My roommate is no longer technically my roommate anymore but I think I will miss the times we had. Crazy road trips to Langston University, chicken Alfredo, and all night coffee drinking. We weren't around each other that much but what time we did spend together was fun. I will miss her.
Wednesday is my last day here. Already the room feels distant. My roommates belongings have been removed with the help of my car and a little elbow grease. It's amazing how much stuff will fit in a tiny car when you have to get it in there.
I have been all over everywhere today. I've been from Shamrock Texas to Langston Oklahoma to Weatherford Oklahoma to Langston to Weatherford again. I am exhausted. From Shamrock to Langston is a three hour trip through and beyond Oklahoma City. Then it's also an hour and a half from Langston to Weatherford. So yeah I think you can tell I have driven a lot. But I feel good about my decision to go help her. I feel good that I helped her.
Tomorrow I have to hit the books and hit them hard because I have two finals on Wednesday and I have to pass them or I don't know what will happen. I'm okay with whatever happens. I know that everything is going to be okay. I can't tell you how I know that but I do feel that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens Wednesday. Okay with that all said; I must leave you in search of my wonderfully comfortable bed. I want to use this thing while I still have the chance to sleep here alone in this room. XD
This is it until tomorrow.
Expect the Unexpected.
Don't you just love move out days? By move out days I mean, when you have to remove all the crap you accumulated over a semester. OMG!!!!! I am having a move out day. But it kind of started Friday. I shoved three Walmart shopping carts worth of stuff from my room and I shoved it in my car anywhere it could possibly go. I mean there was a toothbrush in the glove box and a sock in the console. Lol. Maybe not that bad but you get what I mean.
I just shoved all the stuff that I shoved into my car into my tiny bedroom at home. Which brings me to one of the major topics of today.
Thank God for Parents!!!! Seriously! What would I do without them? I know that I don't tell them that I love them and appreciate them as much as I should but I really do love and appreciate them for everything that they do for me.
Today when I go back to my almost empty dorm and I study for my last two finals that will make everything so final, I will think of them and everything that they have done for me to get me to this moment in my life.
Yeah I'm being kind of sentimental this morning but this kind of stuff brings that out in me. I kind of like it.
I don't know who all saw last seasons Good Luck Charlie on Disney Channel but spoiler alert the mother makes up a child that she doesn't have to make the family have 6 kids instead of the 5 she already has. Skippy isn't a good name to name your imaginary troubled daughter. Plain and simple not a good name. No offense intended to anyone out there reading this who might be named skippy.
My point is that I promise to always tell you the truth on here and to not make up imaginary children so you will find this blog more interesting. That is definetly not what I am about.
I stand for people being true to theirselves and not letting others influence them to change to please society. I mean; I am who I am and I'm not going to change to meet the demands of the world.
I stand for people's rights. The Bill of Rights and the amendments after the first ten, the Declaration of Independence, give us certain rights that we should always keep.
Don't give up your rights without a fight.
Yeah this entry took an unexpected turn but that's what people should learn to do. Expect the Unexpected.
Thank you so much for your time.
Hey people's!!!! How's it goin? Okay. . . Time to get down to the point. Tis a happy day. I made up with my bestie and I just had to tell the world about how awesome this day is to me. It's pretty awesome.
Today I have done nothing of any consequence. I slept in and then I watched tv. It was a pretty awesome Saturday.
Last night I was in one if my weird moods. I had a lot on my mind. And now my mind is at ease and I am at peace. That is good enough for right now.
That is it for now. I'm off to go and enjoy the rest of my day.
Expect the Unexpected
Some people go their whole lives without finding it. Others spend their lives before realizing that love was always right there in front of them and they didn't know it. For him; he knew that I was the one from day one. For me; it took a little while to reciprocate the feeling toward him. But I knew that there was definetly something there between us from the time I looked him in the eye. There was something in his smile that took my breath away.
I guess that you can guess the subject already for today's entry. If not; then it's the subject of LOVE.
What is love? I've always heard that I'd know when I knew. Which never made any sense to me at all. I'll know when I know? What does that even mean? Then I found out. Sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks, sometimes it creeps up on you when you least expect it, but sometimes you know because you feel warm and fuzzy when you think about them and you never want to be apart from them. And you realize that they are the one person that you can't live without.
I never understood that I'd know when I know until I did know.
LOVE, you don't see the flaws, you see the good in them. You want to spend all the time that you can with them. You want them to know that you live them no matter what they do or where they go.
I know that I am being mushy and gushy and some people shy away from that but I need to talk about this tonight. Actually; I guess that it's technically this morning. Lol
I have been going through some deep stuff recently that might just change the course of my life forever.
I've talked about my grades. Yeah; not so hot. Then there's my wisdom teeth that make me sick all the time. Oh and getting back to the subject, I am in love. Yeah I know that probably sounds weird to just say it. I have become so cynical over the passed few years that I have been on this site. I think it's become evident in what I write.
Hard times threatened to keep us apart but I can't let them win. No I'm not saying that I'm going to run off to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator. But I am saying that someday we're getting married. And I thank God everyday for not letting me just runaway from living my life and reaching my dreams.
Okay; it's late and I most likely ought to go to bed. This is it for tonight.
My advice for you tonight is to take a chance on love. And always Expect the Unexpected.
Don't you just love it when you forget to do something that's kind of important? I know that I don't. It's the kind of feeling that sinks in all at once like you've been punched in the gut. The air is taken from you. Then later you look back on it and say ,"I knew that there was something that I forgot to do!" Today there was something I needed to do but I forgot and now all I am able to say is, "There's no use in crying over spilt milk."
This semester is almost over and with it brings the summer and going home and trying to move on with my life. This semester hasn't been a complete waste if my time. It has taught me lessons that on my own at home would most likely never been experienced. What are they?
Love: It's hard to come by some times. True love us a rare thing and its something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I have found my true love and while I am scared about what my family and friends might say about it; it isn't their decision. It's mine and I have to learn to live my own life.
Happiness occurs when you quit comparing yourself to others. You are you. You aren't anyone but you and you should be proud of who you are and you should never compare yourself to others. There's a great quote from Einstein that sums this perfectly.
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Family is important and even though the people in your family might not be the most understanding nor the easiest to get along with at times; they are still your family and you should never abandon then for anything.
Friends influence you in ways that I never believed possible. This week; while one friend influenced me to pull away from home and go my own way, another made me realize that I am where I am supposed to be.
I am where I am meant to be. There are things that I wish I hadn't said and there are many things that have been negative in my life that have added up to bring me where I am today. With that said; I would never change anything that has happened to me. I would go through everything all over.
I have changed. I have grown up. I am my own person. I don't know where I am headed but I can assure you that I am on my way. There are many paths that I can take but I am confident that with Gods help I will get to where I am ultimately meant to end up.
Life is full of twists and turns and while I don't know the meaning if life yet; I am confident that it'll all be revieled in time.
Time is the key. Time heals all wounds. And speaking of time; it is now 1:31 in the morning. I have class in a few hours and that is definitely something that I need to go to.
A few days ago my best friend started blogging. I hope that you will show her the same consideration that you show me. She's awesome.
Until the next time,
Expect the Unexpected.
Hey Guys! I'm A Friend Of Dayna's And I'll Be Guest Blogging On Here From Time To Time, So Look For My Posts. I'm Not Really One To Blog About My Life Because I Internalize A Lot And Don't Feel Like People Really Care To Hear About My Rants, Yet Here I Am. Go Figure. //Shrug
So I Hope You Enjoy My Sense Of Humor And Insights On Life!
Keep Looking Up And Expect The Unexpected
Where do I turn when there's no where I can turn to? I am having a little difficulty with life right now. My grades are in the toilet, and I'm pretty sure my best friend hates me. And I don't know why I am writing all this down on the Internet where all that can happen is that it gets me into more and more pain. I'm not so sure how much more than I can take. My parents don't know about all my problems and honestly I think that that's a good thing. They don't need to be more worried about me than they already are.
I realized that I am where I am supposed to be no matter how badly I wish I was in a different situation. I wish I had gotten married back when I wanted to despite all the problems that happened. I wish that I had gotten married because now I am back to to conclusion that I love him and that no matter what I do it's always going to be him because it always was him. Things have happened since then. We broke up, dated someone else and realized that the guy wasn't my type. I realize now that I do have a type. And I realized that my now ex-ex-boyfriend (meaning that he's not an ex anymore), is the one that I can't live without in my life.
I need him in my life.
My best friend doesn't understand why I'm not always going to his house and trying to be around him all the time. Well the answer to that is because its not doable. I'm broke. And my parents can't pay for me to run off to Granite oklahoma every time I want to see my man. So why make waves when it's impossible to do so something? I love him but right now not able to be with him. Does that make any sense? I hope so. Soon we'll be married and together forever. But for now I just have to wait. My life isn't by any means perfect but I wouldn't want it to be. I've got scars and I've got wounds that are deep and un healing but they make me who I am. I wouldn't be the same if I wasn't flawed.
This is the end of my entry for today. I have class in a few minutes but I still leave you with the same advice I usually do. Expect the Unexpected.
There are things in this world that are bad to feel. Hate, dissapointment, shame, mean hurtful words, are some things that hurt to feel. But what is worse than feeling them towards others is feeling these feelings cast onto you and knowing that you deserve everything that that one person or those people are thinking toward you.
I was supposed to be in two plays this week. One was supposed to be on Wednesday. Two days from now what when I was supposed to perform. On my birthday. I was totally excited to have the opportunity to be in a play on my birthday. So Friday, I went to rehearsal, and everything went well, I was having a little difficulty remembering all of my lines especially when this one dude who was reading things back to me was getting really snippy with me. So I made it a point of studying all weekend. Saturday my church had a womans retreat thing so I knew that I wasn't going to make it to Saturdays q2q rehearsal but it didn't matter because I was just going to be sitting in one spot the whole time and not having much to do. So I was told it was okay if I didn't come. I didn't go to either plays q2q but I picked up on the cue's yesterday for the other play. Saturday night I got a text saying that we had a rehearsal the next day at 12:30 but I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it so I texted the director and he said that I didn't have to be there and that we would figure something out. But. . .Yesterday; I got a text at about 2:30 asking me where I was and that we had a performance at 3 and no one told me that. Apparently it was the final dress rehearsal and because I wasn't there; the entire play got cancelled because we couldn't do a sound check. First I was angry but then I was sad. The dream of being in a play on my birthday is yet to be discovered. The director was sad but he understood but I am sure that the other actors in the play are p.o.'d at me. As they should be. I don't blame them for that. I feel awful that I messed everything up for them but if I had known that this was the final dress rehearsal, I would've been there. I would've been ready and we would've been awesome! I left home after helping my dad to give my dog a long overdue hair cut, and got a text saying that we were going to be having a rehearsal in the other play. So I started going the speed limit instead of going five under like my mother told me too. And I went as fast as I could. I was about five minutes late for the rehearsal but I got there.
Today is the final dress rehearsal and I will be there for the other play. I will not let them down. I can't let them down. It would kill me to let them down. It kills me now that I let everyone else down in the other play. But in my defense I was told by the director himself that I didn't have to be there. So I am not fully to blame. Oh who am I kidding? I am trying to share the blame instead of trying to take full responsiblity for my actions. I need to take responsiblity for my own actions. I need to start being the responsible adult lady tha the world expects me to be. Right now I am not responsible. I am not smart. Right now I am irresponsible. But in this time of great irresponsiblity, I realize what I want out of my life afterall. I realize what I want to do. I know what I want. I realized my dream of being a librarian. It's so funny because it's something that is something that I never would've chosen for myself. It's something that I thought was something for old skinny women in their big thick glasses who were socially awkward and that just isn't the case, now is it? NO. It's not. I have to potential to do what I love. I can help people to learn to love to read. Reading is something that I've always been interested in. I've always loved reading. I've always loved being around books. I think it's interesting that after all the things that I've been through, I realized that the one thing that used to get me through the darkest days of my life could get me through to some of the best days. I will be a librarian, I will be an author, and I will be happy. Now that I have finally realized what I want to do with my life, I have a feeling that things are finally looking up. It's so funny that I started this day in the opinion that my life was over. That, I hated my life and I didn't want to go where I was headed. Now, I have a plan and an idea of where I want to go with my life. It's so interesting that I can be having a terrible day and then, writing about it can make things come into perspecting. I can be happy. I can be who I want to be. I don't have to be afraid to be who I want to be. I don't have to be someone that I don't want to be. I don't have to go down the path that will ultimately bring me unhappiness.
The 16th of March, a good friend of mine passed away in a car wreck. And her brother and I have been going through a lot of stuff. Her brother got a new perspective out of his sisters death. He got a job and is taking responsiblity for his actions. I am proud of him. I got a new perspective out of the situation too. I realized that I am too young to be so miserable.
This is all for now. But like I always end with; Expect the Unexpected.
Don't you just love waking up in the morning and literally having no voice at all? Well if you do then you are weird. Right now I literally have no voice and I am miserable. I am hoping that I will have a voice later. But with a sinus infection and wisdom teeth, I might be doomed to misery for a while longer. My throught is dry and graspy, my head is throbbing like crazy, and my face makes me cry.
I should be cleaning my room right now but I feel like I am dying still. But there isn't much that I can do. So I'm in bed watching TLC's What Not To Wear. It's terrible because I keep seeing things that they are making fun of and wanting to change about these girls that I actually wear myself. I just came to see that I may not be dressing to show people the real me and that I have been hiding behind my clothes because I am not the skinniest person in the world.It's kind of funny because whenever they would make fun of something that these women were wearing, all I could think was that maybe I should be on that show. In all honesty, I think that it would be an interesting experience but I think I might make it on one of the breakdown lists that they have.
Okay. I think that my break is over. I've been on my computer for a lot longer than I need to have been. I have to get back to work now. Those lines aren't going to learn themselves are they? Okay. . . I gotta get off the computer. I just hope that I can get my voice back before 5 tonight.
I was not expecting the unexpected today. But I hope that you will follow the advice that I always try to leave you with.
Expect the Unexpected.