I used to wonder what all those soppy love songs you hear on the radio were all about. Then it happened. I fell in love. And I finally understood what it meant to not care if you were pork as long as you had that one special person right there beside you. I thought that that was everything. I thought that I would have that forever. He was my soul mate. But then one thing lead to another and now we no longer are in communication. He quit calling me for 3 months and I refused to talk to him after that. It's been since September and I still haven't talked to him. But the thing is that no matter what I do; I think about him at least one time every single day. No matter what I say; I still love him and there will always be a part of me that will love him. But there is no going back to that. There is no way to make a u-turn and go back to him. I have definitely burned that bridge. That saddens me. For a long time we were drifting apart and we would have a fight and break off our engagement or put back our wedding day. No matter what happened there always seemed to be something standing in our way.
That's when I contracted a major case of the "what if's". What if he and I were just meant to be best friends? What if I pushed so hard because I was so low down on the self esteem totum pole that I could barely breathe? What I so desperate for someone to love me that I just forced myself to love someone that wasn't meant for me? Doubt slipped into our lives and I'd push back the date again. My friends said that he wasn't going to wait forever. I guess that part of me didn't want him to. I think that somewhere deep down inside; I wanted him to give up on me so it didn't hurt so bad for me to give up on him. I pushed a great guy away. And for that I am Truely sorry. I never meant to hurt him but I am sure that I did. And that kills me on the inside. I am Truely sorry.
But life moves on. I thought that I had met a guy. This was actually the guy that helped me get over the breakup. I was vulnerable and I attached myself to him. I tried to latch on and no matter how much I wanted to be in his world; I couldn't change the fact that he was never going to return those feelings. And now that amazing guy likes someone else. As much as it kills me to see them together; I know that he wasn't meant for me. I mean he says that he still wants to be friends with me. I have literally never had a friend that was a guy before. I guess that this is just going to have to be a new chapter in my life.
This brings me to the topic of today's entry. Heartbreak. Heartbreak. Broken hearts. We all have these stories about the one that got away or the one who broke your heart or who you broke their hearts. Life is a heartbreak after another. But it's what you do during these times that you hurt that matters. It's what you do when you're happy and in love that matters as well.
What I am trying to tell you is that everything is going to be okay. I know that that probably sounds a little on the corny side of town but I am going to leave you with this quote that has always gotten me through the day. God will never give you more than you can handle. That was what got me through the heartache and the tears. It might hurt now but God is going to see me through the pain and I know that he will not forsake you either. This is it for now. Stay amazing, watch The Lego Movie, oh and always remember to expect the unexpected.
( Man that Lego movie was pretty unexpected wasn't it? Lol. It's awesome. I have seen it 3 times. I totally recommend it.)
Oh and one last thing. . .
SPACESHIP!!!!!!