Well I found out the hard way why you shouldn't drink the water when you are warned not to drink it until you boil it first. Actually I was just stupid and forgot that ice is just frozen water. It wasn't pleasant and I would not advise that anyone be as stupid as I was.
I remember the past. I used to have several readers and now since I left for a while seeking inspiration, I have a dwindling amount of readers who even care what I have to say. I did this to myself. I the captain of my site, abandoned ship. Not because it was sinking. I actually had quite a few readers in the day. I abandoned ship for the insane reason of I was drowning while I was on dry land. I don't know if that makes any sense. If you have been around for a while, you know that I have struggled with depression for a long time. And it has been tough to stay afloat when I just wanted to let go into the numb feeling. Because if I couldn't feel anything, that meant that I couldn't get hurt. But that is completely insane. I have come back a little into my senses and I now know. It's better to feel something than to not feel anything at all.
This whole thing got me to think about things. I do that. The whole jumping ship when things aren't going my way. I am stubborn and I give up on the things that make me happy. I don't know why I do it. But Depression in my constant companion. She's there when I'm sleeping. She's there when I'm the happiest. But she is always there in the corner of my mind.
It's been a wild journey. And I compare it to a roller-coaster where the highs are high and the lows are really low. That's the only thing that I've ever known how to compare it too. But I think that it's a little more than that. It's a freaking roller-coaster without the safety precautions and having to hold on for dear life whenever the thing goes upside down.
I've been living in a fog for as long as I can remember. But I told myself that if I just kept swimming. If I just kept my head above the water that things had to get better eventually. But for the longest time they didn't. I found temporary happiness when I was with my friends. Which is why I latched onto them. It was when I was with other people that I felt anything. It wasn't just going through the motions. One of my friends moms used to talk about dark days of things. I was in the dark days for most of the time that she knew me. But I smiled when I was at their house. When I was there I was genuinely happy. And therefore I masked what was underneath. Probably not very well because it came out for a while.
I don't even know why I am even talking about any of this but maybe if I tell you what I've been through, then maybe, just maybe someone out there will see that they aren't alone on the roller-coaster. Maybe they will realize that happiness is possible. I am not always happy myself. I still struggle with staying afloat. I still have to put a smile on and fake until I make it sometimes. But things are like that.
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes it's the people that smile the brightest that are the ones that are in the most pain. It's hard to paint a happy picture when all you have are grey colors. Maybe the people in your life are the ones that bring the color into your life. Maybe you're not stuck with just the grey colors. Maybe you just have to look inside yourself and see that you can be happy. I know that this all sounds like the ramblings of a mad woman. But that's okay. Like I said, if this helps one person to see that they aren't alone out there, then it is all worth it.
Dark days are still here. But they are getting better. Fewer and farther between. Things are getting better for me. But I have to physically and mentally tell myself that things are going to be okay. Then the world doesn't seem so horrible. I have to tell myself that I am not alone or I just feel so isolated. I know that we are supposed to be all self isolatey these days but we still need people in our lives.
My friends saved my life. They came to my rescue. I don't like to think about where I would be today if I didn't have them by my side. And now that we are adults, and we have our own lives, and some of us have our own families, but we know that we have each others backs. And things are going to be okay. Hold on in the upside down roller-coaster days. Things get better. Things aren't always going to flip your world upside down and the world isn't always going to suck the life out of you. And if you need someone to talk to there are place that are there to help. And if you just want a friend who understands what you're going through, feel free to talk to me. I'll listen.
Okay, so this has been a lot longer than the paragraph that I told my dad that I was going to write. He's waiting for me to drive him to get a drink. So, I'll cut straight to the end. I love all of ya'll out there. You mean the world to me. I hope that you have an awesome day. And I'll catch you on the flip side.
Stay Awesome and always remember to Expect the Unexpected!
Bye For Now,
Love Always,
Dayna
I remember the past. I used to have several readers and now since I left for a while seeking inspiration, I have a dwindling amount of readers who even care what I have to say. I did this to myself. I the captain of my site, abandoned ship. Not because it was sinking. I actually had quite a few readers in the day. I abandoned ship for the insane reason of I was drowning while I was on dry land. I don't know if that makes any sense. If you have been around for a while, you know that I have struggled with depression for a long time. And it has been tough to stay afloat when I just wanted to let go into the numb feeling. Because if I couldn't feel anything, that meant that I couldn't get hurt. But that is completely insane. I have come back a little into my senses and I now know. It's better to feel something than to not feel anything at all.
This whole thing got me to think about things. I do that. The whole jumping ship when things aren't going my way. I am stubborn and I give up on the things that make me happy. I don't know why I do it. But Depression in my constant companion. She's there when I'm sleeping. She's there when I'm the happiest. But she is always there in the corner of my mind.
It's been a wild journey. And I compare it to a roller-coaster where the highs are high and the lows are really low. That's the only thing that I've ever known how to compare it too. But I think that it's a little more than that. It's a freaking roller-coaster without the safety precautions and having to hold on for dear life whenever the thing goes upside down.
I've been living in a fog for as long as I can remember. But I told myself that if I just kept swimming. If I just kept my head above the water that things had to get better eventually. But for the longest time they didn't. I found temporary happiness when I was with my friends. Which is why I latched onto them. It was when I was with other people that I felt anything. It wasn't just going through the motions. One of my friends moms used to talk about dark days of things. I was in the dark days for most of the time that she knew me. But I smiled when I was at their house. When I was there I was genuinely happy. And therefore I masked what was underneath. Probably not very well because it came out for a while.
I don't even know why I am even talking about any of this but maybe if I tell you what I've been through, then maybe, just maybe someone out there will see that they aren't alone on the roller-coaster. Maybe they will realize that happiness is possible. I am not always happy myself. I still struggle with staying afloat. I still have to put a smile on and fake until I make it sometimes. But things are like that.
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes it's the people that smile the brightest that are the ones that are in the most pain. It's hard to paint a happy picture when all you have are grey colors. Maybe the people in your life are the ones that bring the color into your life. Maybe you're not stuck with just the grey colors. Maybe you just have to look inside yourself and see that you can be happy. I know that this all sounds like the ramblings of a mad woman. But that's okay. Like I said, if this helps one person to see that they aren't alone out there, then it is all worth it.
Dark days are still here. But they are getting better. Fewer and farther between. Things are getting better for me. But I have to physically and mentally tell myself that things are going to be okay. Then the world doesn't seem so horrible. I have to tell myself that I am not alone or I just feel so isolated. I know that we are supposed to be all self isolatey these days but we still need people in our lives.
My friends saved my life. They came to my rescue. I don't like to think about where I would be today if I didn't have them by my side. And now that we are adults, and we have our own lives, and some of us have our own families, but we know that we have each others backs. And things are going to be okay. Hold on in the upside down roller-coaster days. Things get better. Things aren't always going to flip your world upside down and the world isn't always going to suck the life out of you. And if you need someone to talk to there are place that are there to help. And if you just want a friend who understands what you're going through, feel free to talk to me. I'll listen.
Okay, so this has been a lot longer than the paragraph that I told my dad that I was going to write. He's waiting for me to drive him to get a drink. So, I'll cut straight to the end. I love all of ya'll out there. You mean the world to me. I hope that you have an awesome day. And I'll catch you on the flip side.
Stay Awesome and always remember to Expect the Unexpected!
Bye For Now,
Love Always,
Dayna